railenthe: (Default)
[personal profile] railenthe
I had a disturbing dream.

The ex that caused my PTSD was in it. I was in a tea convention on photographer assignment. I was taking photographs of the technology, the new tea blends, and the company kiosks. He was behind me, complaining about something.

I saw a teamaker, specifically the model I had at home, for rock bottom price. I bought it for myself. Instantly, he was at my side.

"Why did you buy that? Why did you buy something for yourself? Why didn't you buy something for me? Why would you do that?" This went on for the remainder of the dream, him berating me for doing something for myself, even when I resumed my assignment.

I woke up shaking, guilted over a purchase I made over a year ago by a man I've not seen in over five years. Disgusted with myself. What the fuck is he doing in my head?

Date: 2017-07-09 04:28 am (UTC)
kuro_pantsu: (塔馬/千堂 (CD VII))
From: [personal profile] kuro_pantsu
*HUGS*

I wonder what the hell could've triggered it to make him return to your subconcious all of a sudden.

Hopefully it's just a one off, especially as it was such hell for you dealing with it all after the event.

It's been a while since we discussed him and I seem to remember you mentioning he shamed/guilt-tripped quite a bit despite him being an overweight asshole who was spoiled by his folks? (I apologize if I got details wrong - my memory isn't as in tune as it should be. *plays bum note*) We both know he was full of crap but the subconcious tends to like to take the side of crapbags, ugh. And somehow still keeps them around even though you'd rather never have to think of them again.

Has something happened lately that would make you feel more self-concious in general? (Particularly about spending?)

If only Frasier Crane weren't fictional. :|

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