LITTLE KNOWN FACT: KUJA'S LACK OF WALKING IS ACTUALLY DUE TO SEVERE FEET SCARRING COURTESY OF ENCASING THEM IN TIGHT HEELS FOR TOO LONG. EVEN TO THIS DAY WALKING 10 YARDS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF STEPPING ON KNIVES FOR HIM.

AND WHEN HE LACKS A PEN TO COMPOSE SONNETS WITH, THE FEATHER CAN ALSO BE USED AS A HANDY QUILL! (MY LEGITIMATE THEORY ON THE FEATHERS IS THAT THEY ARE HIS REAL HAIR BUT CHARMED SOMEHOW BECAUSE HE WANTED TO STAND OUT FROM ALL THE STRAW-HEADS WITH PAGEBOY HAIRCUTS.)

IT WAS A DELICIOUS YET FATTENING MISTRESS! FOR EVERY CM THAT WENT TO HIS HEIGHT, ANOTHER GREW AROUND HIS WAIST! (THERE WAS EVEN A PERIOD WHEN HE WAS FORCED TO WEAR GRANNY PANTIES BECAUSE THE CODPIECE WOULDN'T FIT UNTIL HE WENT ON A DIET!)