railenthe | (no subject)

It was when Sheik turned into Zelda in Ocarina of Time and I was still attracted.

Incidentally, that was when my cousins started calling me "gay."

I didn't know what gay meant then.

I was 13.

One day in grade school I was asked what I thought of boys. I answered honestly — and after I answered all the girls avoided me. I'd said that I liked girls better, and suddenly I was shunned by all.

I was 12.

A few years earlier I'd had a good friend. We shared the same interests. We got along well. But a rumor started. I didn't know about it until I arrived for the scheduled hangout and was told that her folks didn't want "that type of girl" hanging around. Then the door was closed in my face.

I was 7.

I was 20.

I'd just successfully confessed my feelings to my crush on campus. He'd shot me down. My friends took me out for sushi to make me feel better. A few weeks passed and I saw more of the guy that made me realize that I'd actually dodged a bullet — the guy was beautiful, but BOY was he problematic. While all this was going on, one of my other friends had something awesome happen to her — and in her soaring euphoria, she kissed ME before skipping off to her destination.

"Guys," I said to my group as the realization finally dawned, chest a flutter, "I think I might be bisexual."

I was 30.

I'm freaking out because my clothes are gendered. Male is wrong. Female is wrong. But if that's the case then what am I? I panic and cancel my plans. I hit up the new LGBT sub on 4chan of all places — where I learn about nonbinary identities. The panic subsides a bit, and I research into the night. By morning I have a handle on it.

Ze/zir.

Genderqueer/Genderflux.

And a private identification tied to my blood that I reveal only to those who I trust.

For the first time in years, things are clicking.

I am 33.

Things have settled in. Some have evolved: as a nonbinary individual, I now identify more as pansexual because it's outside the binary. Some have refined: my attraction type is demi-panromantic, if we're splitting hairs.
I have accepted that I am settled firmly beneath the trans umbrella — something that I denied vehemently before. And I am growing as a person.

… well, that's my Coming Out™ story.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

See there's where the Flux in genderflux comes in—I SWING from one end to the other, and have no idea when it's going to happen. It's such a strong sensation that I even get "bottom conscious" to the point where I actually pack (packing is where you wear prosthetic, er, junk, to ease dysphoria). My presentation on those days though?

Very futch. Think "Kuja tries to be manly but got his ideas from his bro playing a prank AU."

And BOY does that look feel RIGHT.

SPEAKING OF KUJA

Have you seen his new princess curl alt for Dissidia?????? (I think I may have mentioned it to you in the past and if I did it demands discussing again because he looks like a shojou heroine and it is hilarious.)

I would've been willing to throw a few quid down for it as an alt in Opera Omnia but they would only sell it for an extortionist sum, the likes of which mere mortals cannot afford. A shame as that would've looked most amusing, especially considering I have him in a party with Sephiroth and Seymour for maximum inappropriateness.

(no subject)

THERE ARE TWO WOLVES INSIDE YOU. ONE IS BUTCH. THE OTHER IS FEMME. THEY FIGHT FOR DOMINANCE.

no subject