railenthe | BUGGER BOTHER HELL CRAP DAMN IT FUCKING @#$%^!!!

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BUGGER BOTHER HELL CRAP DAMN IT FUCKING @#$%^!!!

My phone's died.

No response from hardware, software, synch cable, charger—nothing.

IF THE INTERNET GOES OUT I AM CUT OFF FROM THE OUTSIDE.

Now if you'll excuse me, this warrants the only rage-cure I know works for certain: A Gabranth speed-run.
Screw sleep.  I got rage.

EDIT: 9-July, 6:08 AM CDT:
I woke up stupidly early to catch a deal on a replacement phone. My savings are now toast, as are the cosplay ambitions for Natsucon next month. But I will have a telephone again in two weeks.

Yes, two weeks.

Now, how the hell am I supposed to get ahold of my family to let them know that I haven't disappeared, or been struck by lightning or some other crap?  They're part of the 0.01%* that aren't on Facebook or Myspace.

…can't worry about that now.  Gotta go to work.

*Why yes, this is a totally bullshit statistic!  Thanks for noticing!

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It was natural to expect tongues to wag at the development. But it was quite another thing when it was the orphans’ tongues it came from…

“Hey, Mama’s getting bigger again!”
“She must have another baby inside her.”
“But she’s already got one, why have another?”
“Duane said she and Papa couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Maybe they kept holding hands and wishing really hard for a boy and it came true?”
“So if you hold my hand…I’ll have a baby inside me!? ICKKKK!!!”

At this point Katerin decided it was time to intervene, before some silly children began thinking it was fun to grab hold of each other’s hands in the hopes of ‘making babies’. “Alright, calm down you lot. Nobody’s going to get any babies inside them like that.” She grumbled, pulling the shrieking girl and boy waving his hands threateningly at her apart. “So how did it get there then?”

She almost lost her footing there.

“Like I’m going to give you tips.” Her face was now a particularly violent shade of pink, almost glowing in the afternoon light. It was bad enough having to put up with those two occasionally flying off somewhere to trance, leaving her and Duane to put up with 30 or so children on their own, but enduring hundreds of innocent questions about what they got up to was where she drew the line.

Speak of the devil, ‘Papa’ had entered the scene. And he’d brought an example of his earlier work with him…

“There now, my darling. Bathe in the golden light of summer’s glory. Let its rays shine upon---”
“Papa, how did the baby get in Mama?”
“…Beg pardon?”

Kuja blinked and instantly shot one of those ‘Explain!’ faces towards Katerin. Coupled with the harried jiggling of the oblivious waif in his arms, this was quite the amusing sight. “They’ve noticed your handiwork.” She folded her arms. “I’m leaving it to you two to answer their questions.”

“Wait, what?” Too late, she’d already left.
“Papa, does holding hands make a baby?”
“What are you on about? Of course not! Where did such a ridiculous notion come from?” Kuja rocked the baby again before she latched onto his hair. (He had since considered tying it up in a ribbon to avoid such gross manhandling of his delicate tresses but so far he’d yet to find one that complimented his wardrobe)
“So how did it get there then?”
“By magic. How do you think?”
“REALLY!?”
“NO! Oh goodness, I’m going to have to explain it to you, aren’t I?”

Sighing, he sat himself down on the grass as several hungry little faces leered at him for information. “The tale of life’s miraculous spell begins with a maiden and a hero---”
“What’s a maiden?”
“Don’t interrupt me.” Kuja snapped, pulling the baby’s tail out of its mouth. “When love has woven its curse of sweet poison, our enamoured pair girdle one another in their flourished desire and pledge their love eternal with their flesh.”

The kids remained silent, eyes agog. It seemed they expected him to continue. Well…far be it from a performer to fail his audience.

“Then when the moon casts its magic, for a night and a day the maiden’s fruit ripens and she awaits the hero to climb atop her tower and shield her from the lunar curse.”
“What curse?”
“A black enchantment that plagues the fairer sex; it transforms the blessed angel to a feral demon for days on end every month. Blood consumes her thoughts and with these pangs of malevolence she may turn on friend or family alike.” The nervous whines from the orphans told him he was illustrating it sufficiently.

“But should the hero ascend the lush red curtains at her window, scattering seeds so that they may take root and-”
“Why isn’t he planting them in a garden?”
“Because they will not prosper anywhere else.”
“What’s prosper mean?”
“Grow. Heavens, your lack of vocabulary affronts me…anyhow, in a re-enactment of the prime creation, bathed in nature’s blessing they seal their adoration with a kiss of the flesh in the hope that tomorrow there shall bloom a new life. And, if mercy smiles upon them, from the bud’s petals shall emerge a gentle babe, a testament to their harmony.” Right on cue, the baby squealed in delight, grin beaming. With a bow of his head, Kuja bade his onlookers farewell and exited, stage right.

A day later Terra demanded to know where the orphans got the idea to try climbing curtains and planting seeds in their bedroom from.

OMG *flail*

This just improved a rotten day in a big way!

…

DAMMIT WHY DO I KEEP RHYMING!?

Just read about your day.

*sends all the tea in china your way*

Take it easy, man.

Now to try and come up with another crackish concept to try and improve the day even more! Hmmm...

It was seriously rough. My feet are killing me, and this is with my new support shoes/socks/insoles.

Hotdogs and tea will fix it =D

I cannot join you on the hot dog front.

For the usually reliable supermarket has deprived me of sausage.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO STICK INBETWEEN MY BUNS NOW!?

We'd have a Divide By Zero problem there if we were.

Also, THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!

Once I've got a few more requests done I'm going to take the time to draw myself a picture of an excited Kuja (probably wagging his tail) with the speechbubble of SAUSAGE!?

It would amuse me childishly.

"I got sausage, you want some?"

"NO THANKS, I GOT ENOUGH ON MY PLATE."

I STILL can't believe they referenced the meme.

I'm still gawking over the REAL MAN bit.

Kuja: "Your existence is voidable."
Jecht: "Your chances are void unless you come and get me."
Shantotto: "Your defeat is una...voidable." (yes, the pause and the emphasis are just how she says it)
Prishe: "You make such a big deal outta nothing really."

"Only the void can RULE THE WORLD!" (I love how he says that XD)

It's such a shame that we had to lose some of the shippier encounter quotes in the process. (I loved "You think you can dominate me?" and "I can score, even in the dark!")

THERE'S NO LONGER ANY SHIPPY ENCOUNTER LINE!CECIL/GABRANTH!

…yeah, I'm crazy. XD

Also Mateus's line to Shantotto in the first game was disturbing (because it IS shippy) "It is an honor, milady." IT'S ALL IN THE TONE XD

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BUGGER BOTHER HELL CRAP DAMN IT FUCKING @#$%^!!!

To cheer you up... An education in life (1/2)

An education in life (2/2)

Re: An education in life (2/2)

TEATIME!

Tea and hotdogs, what's not to love?!

ALAS AND ALACK!

Good thing we're not playing the Sausage Game

I have evil plans with sausages

I SEE THAT PLAN AND I RAISE YOU

BWAHA!

CLOUD, IF IT'S ON YER PLATE, THEN YER DOIN' SOMETHIN' WRONG.

Hey, his first sexual experience was with 10 butch mustached men!

And how about the ascended meme that is THE VOID?

And of course plenty of helpings of dis pear...

I know, so many shippy lines lost!