Remind me I'm not supposed to talk sometimes.

[railenthe]

Yesterday I blew up at two very good friends for no good reason, came very close to quitting writing for good, came even closer to getting drunk just to feel stupid and happy—I don't miss the alcohol but I miss feeling happy (and yes, a little stupid), and then came close to recommitting myself.

I honestly wanted to destroy something. Preferably something with a consciousness so it could see what was happening to it.

To avoid a raking over the coals (which didn't happen, as my friends are neither my family nor my dick of an ex) I start apologizing, one of which produces the...absolute stupidest mental image. It winds up becoming the first thing I've written in three weeks.

So even though things worked out half decent? I'm keeping my damn mouth shut.

I've had a med adjustment, I've got an empty hormone rod in one arm making me off in general, I've lost all knowledge of how being social works outside the series of tubes internet, and I'm having a string of recurring nightmares about friends leaving me for dead. Also my headache set up camp again and that always sours my mood.

So today, I keep quiet. And sleep.

When I wake up next, I won't be so bitchy.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.