An Ironic Prompt.
Sep. 16th, 2015 12:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
railentheHappiness lies, first of all, in health.
I don't know who said this. It's the “You've got to write today because you've got to keep in the habit, so here's a quote to get you started” thing that my app generates for me.
I feel like this one is mocking me.
Sure, I have more health than some do. But here's the thing:
I am not “some.” I am me.
I have a leg that blows up for no good reason. I just got out of having my brain scanned. I'm trying to find to which is the actual amount of money I owe to the collectors so that the doctor will stop basically holding my leg for ransom and fucking treat my leg before next February.
It could be $360.
It could be $605.
I don't fucking know. They're not answering my question. All I know is that it's official—the slow season is here and all my money is tied to living expenses like the phone, lights, and the “dead in November” internet.
The prospect of the isolation that will bring is terrifying.
Happiness lies, first of all, in health.
I have an aunt who hits me with this sort of thing. I want to tell her every time, don't mock me.
Happiness lies, first of all, in health.
People tell me that I have no right to feel as sick or hurt or be as injured/disabled as I am because I'm YOUNG, and therefore must be healthy and happy and positive (egads, if it were possible to strangle a word…).
My happiness would just be less pain. That's it. And I'm settling on that. I'll work my way up from there.
no subject
Date: 2015-09-16 06:57 pm (UTC)Um....if anything being young gives you the right to feel even MORE pissed off because that sort of stuff should not be happening at such an age. O____o (Yegads that is a poleaxer right there... imagine saying that to a child with leukemia or some other devastating condition! "Oh I'm sorry you're not well but really it's your fault for not being positive enough. So could you please perk up and heal so you're not bed-blocking the elderly guy who got a blood clot from viagra?")
Has there been any improvement at all lately? *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2015-09-17 05:28 pm (UTC)I'm building a vitals check kit for home use, so I can keep an eye on my numbers at home. I know I have to be careful with a few things but I don't have any gear yet to watch it.
What's scary…the scariest part of living alone is that I could have a serious problem and no one would be here to help. Fuck man, no one would know.
I almost fainted getting back into the bed. It's a loft bed and I was on the ladder.
Frankly it's scary.
This is why long distance sucks
Date: 2015-09-17 10:43 pm (UTC)If it turns out they are seizures will you have to return to living with your folks? (Highly undesirable option I know...)
Balls, if it's seizures then you have even more reason to be angry about this latest round of suckerpunches. The seizures themselves are bad enough but as you said, if that's what they are then the requirement of having someone around to detect them is...frightening.
I sorely hope it's not the case for your sake. (Though if it is then PLEASE let it at least be an answer towards all this chaos.) *hugs very tightly*
Re: This is why long distance sucks
Date: 2015-09-23 01:21 am (UTC)I still haven't heard back from the guy. It's taking forever to get a result.
Even scarier, if I get a "Nothing" I know to call bullshit, because this isn't right.
If it turns out to be seizures I'm going to have to think of something. I hope it's not going back with the folks, because they're honestly more thrilled with the weight I've lost than anything else. I haven't told them the progressive problems we've found because they focus on how much 'better' I look now that I'm THIN again.
Again, I'm fucking chronically ill.
How does that Limp Bizkit song go? GIVE ME SOMETHING TO BREAK.