Random Chaos

The Issue

1. Religious and scientific leaders have clashed recently over the teaching of evolution in public schools.
   
   The Debate  ( LET ME OUT OF HERE! )

Jolly Roger Sighted Off The Port Bow!
The Issue

Tephireth's merchant navy has seen increasing attacks from swashbuckling pirates in recent months, devastating Tephireth's foreign trade.

The Debate

"We should blow them out of the water!" says First Lord Admiral Bianca Jamieson. "These waterlogged vagabonds have been plundering our ships for far too long! All our exports from the Tourism industry are going straight into their hands! It's downright dangerous for us to let this continue! All we require is some funding for coastal patrol boats, fleet carriers, and nuclear submarines and a free hand to show these freebooters what's what."

"Hello," says a grog-swilling, peg-legged scurvy dog entering your office. "I'm Hack Longbottom, a mighty pirate. I'd like to suggest that instead of wasting all that money on attacking pirates you simply buy them off with barrels of bullion, jewels and Maxtopian gold! There'll still be pirates around, sure, but as long as everyone's paid off, they won't hinder your trade. Not much anyway."

"That's the second biggest load of bilge I've ever seen!" says Captain Grapnel, CFO of Hispaniola Shipping Insurance, LLC. "Shiver me timbers, if these scurvy dogs don't be cutting into me profit margin! Me comprehensive coverage has to pay out for victims o' illegality, and of course theft be illegal in this country, bu' that be giving me an idea - what if we were to have privateers? That is to say, if ye were to make piracy legal but with a quotar o' sorts, like huntin'? That way me and mine can stay in business and ye can get a fine cut o' th' booty from licence fees! Savvy?"

"Come now, that's hardly fair," argues 'gentleman pirate' Taupebeard de Gauche with a bow and flourish. "There is an ancient tradition of actively redistributing wealth on the high seas, and we active redistributors serve an important role in the global economy. You would not keep a family-run bookstore from handing down its business from generation to generation, would you? We simply ask, nay, demand the same right! And get rid of the word 'pirate'. It's a slur. We are corsairs - not common sea-faring thugs."

Fearless Leader's options:

--YARR! or
--T'DAVEY JONES' LOCKER WITH YE ALL!

Big Brother Is Watching You Surf


The Issue

Advisers from Tephireth's security services have created a small piece of spyware that they would like to install on every computer in the nation so they can track activity.

The Debate

"For the good of all," claims Department of Protection head Britney Goethe. "This tiny little program will simply collect data and send it via the internet to one of our databases. Nobody will even notice that it's there. Besides, who's gonna notice a handful of bytes under mountains of stolen MP3s? Just give us the green light and we'll be rounding up terrorists faster than you can say 'lolcat'! And, hey, while we're at it, we could even use it to alert people when there's danger!"

"Are you insane?" shouts privacy advocate Jack Pushkin. "Our Sephiras pay for our computers; they're not the government's property! The last thing we need is the government poking its big, fat nose into our business. Keep the government's hands off my harddrive! What's next? Brain implants? Leave my brainwaves alone, you jack-booted thugs!"

"While 'tis not my place," says Amish farmer Max Chandra, "I just thought I'd mention that we Amish don't have any of this so-called 'cyber-crime'. Aye, 'tis a boring life, and plowin' gets old, but abolishing all of those computer-machines would certainly solve thy problems. Perhaps ye should just abandon phones and fax machines, too. Then ye'll be on your way to livin' in an Amish paradise!"

LET US GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT, AND MAY THE GLORIOUS SUN SHINE ON TEPHIRETH IN RETURN:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOfZLb33uCg

Controversial Coup Causes Commotion
The Issue

A coup in a neighbouring country has seen a mercenary force led by retired Tephirethian general Louis Goethe take charge of the peaceful backwater, purging the opposition, and suppressing freedoms. Despite the new leader making a dubious promise to hold elections, the government in exile is demanding that Tephireth takes action.


The Debate

Option A: "THIS IS A DISGRACE," bellows Brigadier General Peter Song, scattering plastic soldiers over the floor. "This traitor must be overthrown! Gather together our forces and sweep the tyrant from power. While we're at it, Tephireth could do with some more tanks - you never know when the next coup might be."

Option B: Naki Brown, a junior official, puts down "Diplomacy for Dummies" and pipes up. "The best method of solving problems is talking. Send the new regime a strongly worded letter of protest and encourage them to negotiate. On a similar note, perhaps you could take your spouse out for a meal tonight. You've been spending far too much time sorting out this nation's issues lately."

Option C: Noted realist and tabloid columnist Al Sephira disagrees. "We should give this new regime a chance. After all, they now control a sizeable economy, and they need weapons - we could offer to recognise the new government if they agreed to buy arms from us. Also, I couldn't help but notice some protesters outside your office. We wouldn't want a coup happening here - everyone would feel safer if they were moved on."

Option D: "I don't see what the problem is," a voice strangely like your own whispers in your ear. Your twin, standing far too close for comfort, continues, "this has given me a great idea - why not just declare yourself supreme leader of Tephireth? After all, the people do love you so very much."

I don't recall High Oracle Binah being married. Maybe that's why she needs to take the sweetie to dinner.