FFIX, Disc 2 Impressions.

[railenthe]

First, a letter to the internet.

 

Dear Internet:

QUIT DERPING!

Signed, Railenthe Y. Zeal.

 

*Previously, on FFIX DISC 1:

 

Oh look.  It’s Beatrix, come to kick our asses.

 

…!!!  Oh, hello there, he of the heavily emphasized crotch!  Why, you could almost rival David Bowie Himself with that highlit heaven-rod!

---

 

Toffee told me not to get too attached to any towns.

 

I like Cleyra.  Really like Cleyra.  It’s a city built into a tree, hidden by a sacred—

 

*BOOOOOOOOOOOM*

 

I KNOW YOU DIDN’T JUST TAKE OUT CLEYRA, YOU ELEPHANTINE BLUE BITCH!

 

 

---

Oh look.  It’s Beatrix, come to kick our asses.

 

 

*later*

 

Oh look, It’s Beatrix, come to kick our asses again.

 

*later, as we go off to save Dagger*

 

OH HAI BEATRIX.  HAVE A GO AT MY CUSHY BADONKADONK.  HERE I’LL EVEN BEND OVER.

 

*later*

 

OH HAI BEATRIX—eh?  You’re on our side?  I’LL TAKE IT.

 

*later*

 

I KNOW YOU DIDN’T JUST NUKE LINDBLUM, YOU CERULEAN WHORE!

 

 

---

*Three hours later*

 

 

I’ve been stuck inside Fossil Roo so long that…if you can believe this…I’ve gone from thinking the gargants are creepy to thinking they’re cute.

 

*Two hours later*

 

Yep.  I’ve found Kuppo, but still lost.  *holds up a flower*  Here, Gargie!  C’mere!  Good boy!  *feeds, hops on, and rides around the area again*

 

…I seriously hope I can go back here sometime.  I missed a chest and besides, between the music and the gargants, I love this place.

Comments

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

How did you respond to Brahne when she asked if you bought her "They were being stinky meaniepants!" defense?

Oh he-of-the-heavily-emphasised-crotch will start to up the bastardry as the game progresses. Though the bad touch scene is one of my favourites but by disc 2...HOO BOY! I'LL NEVER MAKE FUN OF HIS UNDERWEAR CHOICES OR HIS DELICATE APPEARENCE AGAIN!!!

See, I had trouble sympathising with Cleyra's demise because...well...VIVI DISCRIMINATION! YOU BASTARDS, YOU TREATED HIM LIKE CRAP AND YOU HAVE EARNED THE BELLOWING RAGE FROM THE VERY DEPTHS OF MY SOUL!

Though I still feel a little sorry for them all the same given that we see the CATHEDRAL THEY'RE HIDING IN GET BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES.

Ah Fossil Roo. You gotta flip the bird switches the right way. You're near Kuppo so you're close to the final one. Remember that place with the vines and stone faces near the pond that you passed by to reach him? Go back there, climb to the left and you will find switch 3. Press it and get the Gargant on the bottom right path. It will take you to the exit.

*rides out*

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

Bai bai, Gargie! See ya soon!

I got a wonky X button that goes off if the force of gravity hits it, so I (accidentally) believed her. I was going to go the "YOU EVIL BLUE BITCH!" route but alas and alack! thwarted by the wonky button!

The situaton with Cleyra was conflicting: between the discrimination, and finding (PRINCE?! WHUT?) Puck, I had the feeling that things would get better! They had to! The prince was Vivi's friend! It had to get better—

*BOOOOOOOOOOOM*
NUUUU! FRATLEY! PUCK!!! And I'd saved them ALL just to watch that happen…
*defeated slump*

It got to the point where I took a piece of paper and my fountain pen and drew the map, and put the combinations of switches on one side…which worked so well with that music.

Picture it: Paper on one side, PSP on the other, and me on the floor with a map and a pen. Also, dat kimono. XD I looked ridiculous.

…D'AWW, EIKO.
QUINA'S NOT A FISH! OR KUJA!

Re: *rides out*

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

I did it the first time because I wanted to appease her since...well...I didn't want to make a crazy person mad. Then the game rewarded me by having Kuja molest my player character! The fact that Brahne just watched all this without a single complaint made me shriek WTF the first time it happened.

For me the moment the sandstorm stopped I knew things could only get worse. But I didn't expect the earth shattering KABOOM that followed... Meep.

*snorts at the image* Well there's the image of me in my PJs, playing the game with my left hand whilst the other tries to sketch Thongboy as my tongue hangs out of the right conrner of my mouth in concentration as trade.

HOW CAN YOU PROVE THAT! Quina could be Kuja---they both have hard to determine genders for a start!

QUINA DOESN'T HAVE A THONG~!

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

at least I hope not. XD

HEY BRAHNE? GENOCIDE IS NOT COOL, KK?

*gigglefit* Dignity? Us? *hides scribble!map*

Have you checked under that apron?

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

Oh by the way...did you make Vivi and Quina get hitched? :3

(Yes I take that ceremony as a legitimate enough marriage for my Holy Matrimony party)

She only did it cause the thong made her. *now imagines Kuja using a hypnosis technique of swiveling his crotch at her until she is mesmerized into doing everything he says*

I bet if you tried to check you'd only find a stash of frogs.

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

I did. Quina's "I…so happy" made my night. <3 And watching Zidane fail at "You May Kiss The Bride" made me laugh hard enough that my guy friend--the one I give food to for internets--had to see what was going on.

…I now thank you for the mental mage that produced. Now I see him using poledancing and belly dancing techniques to CONTROL THE WORLD.

They run away again...

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

That entire scene was classic. And the fact that Quina almost advances on Vivi as if to kiss him never fails to make me laugh myself stupid. That Qu wants him. LIKE BURNING.

And suddenly this brings a whole new spin to Club Marilith...the most influential people in the world watching him dance... Unfortunately Mat is immune to the charm of that crotch. BAD LAPDOG---DON'T TRY HYPNOTISING YOUR MASTER LIKE THAT!

OH HAI MENTAL IMAGE

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

Quina was thinking about, obviously, but Vivi would have no idea how to deal with that just yet…

I bet Quina would enjoy cooking dinner for Vivi so much…

…oh hai, strange-looking bunny.


Picture it:

The lights alternate in pulses of blue and silver, perfectly highlighting the silver of hair and tail as Kuja performs acrobatics with that pole. Some of the spectators are envious of that pole, wishing that they were in that positon. The others make no such Freudian effort to hide their lust--some of them even have their tongues hanging out as the Genome slides around that pole, wrapping his tail around one leg and bringing it up in a come-hither motion.

*WEEPS*

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

That, sweet wordsmith, is one of the most beautiful pieces of crack I have ever read.

I have nothing further to add other than: LOVE.

It says something that writing stripper choreography comes naturally, doesn't it…

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

*sips victory tea (oolong with three sugars and vanilla cream)*

I do my best. I can't draw, but at least I can plant images in people's heads. Like that one.

Drawing it comes naturally to me...

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

If another comm exchange ever turns up I am definetly requesting Club Marilith fic.

I might try doing one for the ffixcomm at some point. Even though we have only about 20 members and only 2 of which would participate. Ah well.

Speaking of which: THONGBOY'S TIMELINE IS SLOWLY COMING ALONG. HOPEFULLY I CAN POST IT UP ON THE COMM TOMMOROW! (Beatrix's will still take a little time and then I'm going to try their profiles. Ah so much to do!)

YAY THONGBOY'S TIMELINE

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

I'm not positive I'd be up to writing it but I'd certainly second it!

That reminds me *join*

You can do it! *waves flag*

*looks up, realizes it's a Quina/Vivi flag*

Eh, it works. *continues waving flag*

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

I intend to compose one big timeline using everything the Ultimania gives us along with information from the game (for example the game gives us the exact date for when Kuja and Brahne met whilst the Ultimania does not) but that will probably be a christmas surprise.

Heh, I admit I shipped that. *waves a Vivi/Eiko flag too because...well...ADORABLE*

OH HAI CRACK. Two mini!fics!

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

Bigger (Eiko×Vivi)

"Vivi? Why are all the other black mages bigger?"
"Y-y-y-you were looking at me?!"
"Huh? Well, it's kinda obvious. You're really short compared to the others. Should I look over your hat when I talk to you then?"
"Oh…never mind."

Snack (Quina×Vivi)

Vivi spent a while looking at the plate.
"Is sandwich. You like sandwich?"
"Yes…but what is this?"
"Is frog legs. Is fried."
"Frog legs?" Vivi sounded surprised.
"You no like frog legs?"
"I've never had them…"
"You eat frog leg sandwich. You too small. Frog legs make you grow big!"
Vivi knew when he was cornered. He took a bite.
"Is good?" Quina asked.
It actually was.. Vivi nodded before taking another bite.
"Good. I happy."

*looks up from kanji dictionary then laughs all the way home*

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

You good with crack. I happy.

(Speaking of Vivi being 'big' or not... have he and Zidane undergone that 'male ritual' yet?)

*bows, prepares the day's third cup of tea*

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Quina's fun to write. And in retrospect, my attitude toward food is like if Prishe and Quina ever met…

(And yes, it just happened. Giggled the whole damn time. I almost thought Eiko would walk in on them XDD)

Mmm, tea~!

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

Hehehehe that ritual really needs to be brought up more. I mean the crack potential of that thing! (I can just imagine Zidane suggesting this to Squall and Bartz!)

The fact that he is literally pissing on the graves of Eiko's relatives makes me wonder if this is his way of getting back at her for not co-operating.

Re: Mmm, tea~!

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

Missed Moment of Funny much S-E?
I see Bartz being all for it. Squall's reaction: WHAT?

Hell he might not have even noticed. He's been having dense!moments lately—The Ceremony for instance. XD

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

Bartz would've been more than up for it. Squall's jaw would've dropped and then he'd be subjected to both of them trying to convince him to 'let himself go'.

...Really, why couldn't they have had this in Dissidia? Such a beautiful moment of insanity could've been had.

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

I know, right? And you know both of them would have told him that he thinks too much (he does, really) and that, among all of them, he needed it.... XD

I reckon that's where the lot of us come in, eh?

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

It would be gold if at that precise moment someone walked in on them and got entirely the wrong idea.

Now...who'll be the muggins?

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

I vote one of the ladies!

[toffeethesnob.livejournal.com]

Terra's reaction: Screaming and fleeing away in terror.

Yuna's reaction: Blushing, fleeing and secretly being pleased with what she saw.

Lightning's reaction: Eyebrow raised in disgust before telling them to quit acting like schoolboys and get a grip.

Prishe's reaction: Amused but not impressed.

Tifa's reaction: A little disturbed but cordial enough to say that she'll leave 'em alone for a few minutes before dashing off to giggle wildly.

Cosmos's reaction: They should learn to trust and fully accept one another. That means unzipping, Leonheart.

Ultimecia's reaction: ENTERTAINED.

CoD's reaction: Being most interested and expected them to continue whilst it watches.

PFFFFFFFT.

[railenthe.livejournal.com]

THESE.