DDFF Meme: Day 25: Most Despised Opponent
Jun. 29th, 2011 07:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
railenthe
I bet you expected something about Feral Chaos here, didn’t you?
Just knew that I’d go on about the whole snafu that led up to me tasting bloody, salt-tinged death at the hands of that multi-armed monstrosity, didn’t you?
*buzzer* WRONG!
It may shock and disappoint you to know that my most hated nemesis is not a demon of Biblical dimensions and construction. My bane is not a man whose soul is so evil that it splits into light and dark—with the dark still being evil.
My bane isn’t even a dragoon with a voice that, given the opportunity, will cause me to put down the PSP and jump into an ice bath.
IT’S A DAMN TREE.
Yes, my bane is Exdeath.
“Wait,” you may say. “He’s slow, he’s blocky, he’s clunky and he’s fairly easy to beat!”
Well, guys, the problem is I tend to play technical/precision. Exdeath’s optimally suited to counter that. Gungnir? Omni-block! (Or whatever it’s called now; I’m using the old names because they’re what I know). Sky Rave? Omni-block! Jump?
YEAH, THAT TOO
Ragnarok Buster?
YEP.
Uh—uh, Mega Flare?
THAT TOO.
A competent!Exdeath AI will make me work for every hit landed, and it makes me RAGE. Thank goodness that a block-counter!Lancet can turn things around.
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REAL WOMEN TALK ABOUT TREES AND CRACK IN ONE SITTING!
Date: 2011-06-30 12:51 am (UTC)He was designed as a gamebreaker in the last installment but they were kind enough to set his CPU to dumbass. Then came 012 and S-E decided to troll the fanbase which included making the laughably ridiculous tree a frighteningly competent pimp with a turtle fascination!
Ultima is not subject to blocks though...
Speaking of which, I'm trying to fill in a kink meme prompt which is Kuja/Prishe crack but I'm not sure how I'm doing since this is my first time writing Prishe:
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“Who are you to call me uncouth? You’re not even wearing pants!”
“I’ll have you know that this is a couture fashion statement!”
“Oh yeah? What are you stating? ‘I wax my legs; behold my smooth silky thighs!’”
“You impertinent shrew--”
“‘Admire their feminine glory!’”
“Shut it!”
“Though I guess you can’t really see ‘em properly with those ugly boots. So it’s not so much ‘stare at my legs’ as it is ‘I got sausage, who’s hungry?’”
Kuja could not even make a coherent response, just some feral growls that distorted his pretty face into some gargoyle’s glower. This only caused the grin on Prishe’s face to widen.
“You really are too easy. Just like your outfit says.”
It was time to bite back. “And what do your rags say? I’m a reject from a home furnishings store? Look at those scraps of cloth; not even fit to wipe the floor with.”
“Really? That’s the best you got? Your insults suck harder than you do.”
“Says the girl who does nothing but swallow. Oh I’m sorry, I assume that’s what you mean every time you screech ’Feed Me!’ like some wanton stray”
“You’re gonna have to try way harder than that, tailboy.”
“Gratuitous imp.”
“Thongwearing ladyboy.”
“Flat-chested waif.”
“Hey, I got some, you want proof!?”
“Not from one as scrawny as you.”
“Oh like you’re one to talk! You ever heard of a thing called muscle? It’s what real men are supposed to have.”
“Have you ever heard of a thing called charm? It’s what real ladies are supposed to have.”
“Well then looks like you’ve got no chance of becoming one, prettyboy.”
“Aw for cryin’ out loud…will you two brats shut it already!?” Jecht yelled from the front of the line as several other Cosmos warriors grumbled in agreement.
REAL WOMEN--REAL--BAHAHAHAHAH----
Date: 2011-06-30 01:03 am (UTC)NO SERIOUSLY CAN I?
REAL WOMEN ARE TRYING TO COMMENT ON YOUR OTHER ENTRIES BUT ARE LACKING THE COGNITIVE SKILLS TO DO SO
Date: 2011-06-30 01:07 am (UTC)HERE'S ANOTHER BIT YOU'LL LIKE, STILL ROUGH, A CONVERSATION BETWEEN HER AND VAAN:
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“Hey, if I can rehabilitate Siegfried then I can definitely sort out featherhead.”
“Who’s Siegfried?”
“Warrior of Light, duh! Who do you think named him?”
“Huh? That’s really what he’s called?”
“I’m just kidding; his real name’s Mr Snooky Pie. Siegfried’s just his pet name.”
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AND BECAUSE I LIKE YOU SO MUCH, HAVE ANOTHER!
-----------------------------------------------
“You know what your problem is?”
“That you’re here?”
“You’re too uptight. You gotta learn to let loose and stop acting like a stick with a prick up his ass.” She then broke off and paused. “Wait, that didn’t come out right.”
“I’ll pass.”
“Not so fast!” Just as he got up and turned away Prishe’s foot went down on his skirt with such force that the only thing louder than the stomp of her boot was the tremendous rip of material.
“Oops…”
REAL WOMEN ARE SERIOUSLY LOVING THIS!
Date: 2011-06-30 01:10 am (UTC)MR SNOOKY PIE?! And I bet he doesn't complain one bit either XD
2nd:
“You’re too uptight. You gotta learn to let loose and stop acting like a stick with a prick up his ass.” She then broke off and paused. “Wait, that didn’t come out right.”
THIS. Violently THIS.
REAL WOMEN ARE HAVING FUN BUT STRUGGLING TO FIT THE PROMPT
Date: 2011-06-30 01:17 am (UTC)I find it too easy to right rude, crude and lewd humour. So that's why a pottymouth like Prishe or Kefka is no problem for me to handle. And that's what he is most of the time, Prishe is just telling it like it is.
.....excuse me but I'm too busy laughing my arse off. I'm still stuck on the 'stick' bit.
Date: 2011-06-30 01:20 am (UTC).....that didn't come out right.
This might be more than he can handle...
...that, either.
Dammit XD This is just destined for perv-tasticness.
REAL WOMEN ARE NOW HAVING TROUBLE
Date: 2011-06-30 01:30 am (UTC)-------------------------------------------
“Come on, it was an accident.” Zidane said for what seemed to be the fifteenth time but it fell on deaf ears.
Since the unfortunate skirt destruction incident a humiliated Kuja had retreated to his tent and sulked, refusing to speak to anyone ever again. So far Zidane had been the only one willing to put up with having to dodge a constant hail of Ultima in an attempt to try and talk him out of his funk.
“Look you’re going to have to face everyone sooner or later…”
Silence.
“It’s not like they saw anything they didn’t expect…I mean…at least it wasn’t your tail.”
There was something that sounded like teeth grinding from Kuja.
“I’m sure Prishe feels terrible about it---”
“I DON’T~!” A voice proudly declared from across the camp. “You’re not helping!” the younger Genome shouted back.
“Let him pout! He should take it as a lesson to put some pants on and stop behaving like some spoilt little princess.”
Zidane noticed Kuja’s cold smirk and flash of the hand too late. Before he could do anything the screams of ‘AAAAAARGH---FUCKING ULTIMA BALLS!!!’ filled the air.
“Are you full up on crow yet, dearest Prishe?” Kuja chirped as he finally rose from the tent to inspect the damage.
“Your ass is mine, ladyboy…”
THIS REAL WOMAN IS NOW GOING TO BE SERIOUS!
Date: 2011-06-30 01:39 am (UTC)The fight starts fairly abruptly--the way I see it Zidane has just enough time to get out of the way of a Nullifying Dropkick or something, and that's the physical blow that starts it. Now you mentioned that Kuja's hand-to-hand combat is going to be a HUGE JOKE, and so my guess is he gets knocked down fairly fast.
Cue rolling-around fistfighting, lots of blocking, most of the blows miss altogether thanks to dodging and--
Suddenly, no one can see it, but it's certainly felt--tail. Let's just say it's highly distracting. And she tries to find it. Maybe brushes against it a couple of times.
Let's just say it's highly distracting =D
THIS REAL WOMAN IS GOING TO TAKE THIS INTO ACCOUNT!
Date: 2011-06-30 01:55 am (UTC)----------
"HELLO..."
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF IT YOU---"
A quick flick of his forehead soon shut him up. Leaving Prishe to get all the more acquainted with her new furry friend.
"Wow, this is much nicer than Ziddy's. His is way too coarse." Her fingers rubbed the fine fur hungrily, it had been a while since they'd felt anything this soft. Kuja's protests went unnoticed. "Is that cause you don't expose it so it doesn't get all nasty and ratty?"
"Will you shut up and get your greasy hands off, you little moron!?" Kuja yelled in a voice that certainly wasn't his usual pontificating tone. "Oh, dropped the fancy ass talk, huh? I approve." Prishe's focus went back to watching that squirming tail dance before her eyes.
"Cuchi-coo. Cutchi-cutchi-cutchi-cutchi-coo~!" Those elvaan fingers were now teasingly tickling the tip of that appendage. "Stop---" Kuja bit down on his bottom lip before a moan escaped. If that girl caught on to his weakness---
"Oh you're just a grumpy pussycat, aren't you?" Prishe cooed, petting the tail now.
"Leave off~!" The Genome's voice rang a little higher than it should've.
"And stop annoying you? No chance. Aw, it's so pwecious."
THIS REAL WOMAN APPROVES!
Date: 2011-06-30 02:00 am (UTC)THIS REAL WOMAN IS TRYING TO GET THIS DONE ASAP!
Date: 2011-06-30 02:17 am (UTC)-----------------------------
"So what happened between those two exactly" Vaan frowned, still not sure what to make of the events that had followed after Zidane screamed 'Duck and cover!' as a clash of egos broke out.
Zidane winced. "I don't really know...and I don't think I wanna know."
"Who's my kittycat?"
"Go eat cock."
"Hey, that's your job!"
The group of blonds could only stare, dumbfounded.
"When did your brother get such a pottymouth?" Tidus rubbed his head awkwardly. "And when did Prishe turn him into her pet?" Vaan added. Something was not right.
"Say it, say it, say it!"
"Kiss my ass."
"Not what I was hoping for but at least you're finally starting to learn! Come on, who's my kittycat?"
"Like hell I am!"
"FUCKFLANS YOU ARE!"
"Will you two knock off the flirting and just get a room already!?" A manly roar echoed across the field, enough to rattle fruit off the trees. "Goddamn kids...all talk, no action."
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YOUR THOUGHTS?
Re: THIS REAL WOMAN IS TRYING TO GET THIS DONE ASAP!
Date: 2011-06-30 02:21 am (UTC)And JECHT.
Somehow he adds extra dimensions of awesome to this.
Re: THIS REAL WOMAN IS TRYING TO GET THIS DONE ASAP!
Date: 2011-06-30 02:27 am (UTC)Jecht has to put up with a lot of whiney youngsters too chicken to sort out their sexual tension so it's no wonder he tries pushing them into dropping their pants so he doesn't have to listen to their lovers quarrels.
It's JECHT. He always adds extra awesome due to being Dissidia's Chuck Norris.
JECHT NORRIS?
Date: 2011-06-30 02:31 am (UTC)Lord knows she couldn't pull off the relatively tame 'fuckbeans.'
Also for day 27 and 26 I seriously overthought things. XD
ONLY A REAL MAN CAN BECOME SOMETHING THAT PUTS NORMAL MEN TO SHAME!
Date: 2011-06-30 02:43 am (UTC)And Jecht Norris is SO MANLY THAT HIS SPERM CAUSES OTHER MEN TO BECOME WOMEN SO THAT THEY MAY BEAR HIS SEED!
A REAL WOMAN AWAITS THIS FILL EAGERLY!
Date: 2011-06-30 02:44 am (UTC)A REAL WOMEN JUST NEEDS TO QUICKLY SORT OUT THE FIGHT AND THEN SHE'S READY
Date: 2011-06-30 03:02 am (UTC)